I was talking with a friend the other day, and he jokingly asked me if my divorce practice had picked up since the stay at home orders were put in place in response to the pandemic. I kind of laughed, but if did start me to thinking that perhaps there was something to what he was saying when he jokingly said he left instructions with his adult children about where he would be when he was out with his wife at all times in case they needed to find the body. We do spend a lot more time together now, and I thought that maybe we can mitigate the aggravation from just being together so much because we've been used to going to work and then coming home in the evenings and spending time together. I thought that we would call this tips to avoid a COVID-19 divorce.
I found an article in Psychology Today that gave me the background for the steps that I'm about to share. I don't hold myself out to be a relationship expert by any means, but I thought these tips were pretty good, and I wanted to share them with you.
The first step is to exchange a list of three or four things the drive you nuts but you can tolerate when not spending so much time together. For instance, push your chair back in after dinner, those sorts of little things that drive people crazy. So, popping gum is one that drives me nuts, and my wife has been great about not doing that since we’ve been home during this period of time.
The second is to know each other's daily schedule. It's important, I think, to know when one of you are going to be doing certain things during the day, for instance making work-related calls and that sort of thing. I think that can help with the aggravation of someone bumbling in and talking over a you when you're on a call. There are tons of other examples.
The third is to respect each other's work environment. We have desks set up, I don't know, 20 feet or so apart. I like to dictate a lot, but it drives her crazy when I'm dictating and she's at her desk working, so I try to limit dictation to less and use the keyboard more.
Here's one I don't follow. It is to dress for work. Some people think that this helps them discipline themselves so that there's a clear demarcation between what's work time and what’s not work time. We haven't needed that, so we haven't done that, but that's one that a lot of people have told me works for them.
The next is to mute or turn down the volume on your devices and computers. It can drive you nuts if you hear a ding for a voicemail and a ding dong for an email and all the devices going off. It's like a kaleidoscope of sound around you all the time that can be quite aggravating, so out of respect for your spouse who is there with you, just turn those down or turn off the volume on your devices and computer.
Take time to plan to be apart for a little while each day. It could be just sitting out on the deck reading for a little bit, or taking a short walk, or whatever it might be. It's good to have time just to be apart just a little while each day to let you kind of settle down.
Here's one I think is really important. Let your spouse know when you're going to be on a video call. Can you imagine some of the things people have seen on video calls when the other spouse didn't know there was going to be one? It could be like that commercial where the guy is videoconferencing and his kid’s coming in and putting sticky notes on his head and all sorts of stuff. It’s good to let the other spouse know when you're on a video call.
And then finally, take time to have a date once or twice a week. Prepare dinner together or have a date to watch a movie together. Whatever it might be, take that special time just like you were really going out.
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